I come to you today because I have been informed of a deadly new threat against our children. You may not have realised it, but this threat is all around you, and today I will open your eyes to it. That threat, my friends, is the common automobile.
Yesterday my son Timothy was hit by a fast moving vehicle while playing ball on the freeway near our house with his brother. Timothy is in hospital at the moment, but he's doing ok, and I thank Jesus for that every minute. What's apparent to me right now is that Timothy has a previously undiagnosed allergy to fast moving objects made of plastic, rubber, and steel.
We must unite against this threat. How many other children in this great nation of ours may have an undiagnosed allergy to the common automobile? When stationery, these objects present little harm to our loved ones, but when in motion these horrible death machines can seek out those allergic to them and kill them, KILL THEM DEAD.
I have decided that I will soon start my very own website, automobileallergy.com. Here I will lobby the DMV to get these horrible, horrible machines off our roads. Why should my Timothy have to avoid the vast expanses of asphalt that stretch far and wide across this great nation? Some of you may say "well why doesn't he just not play on the road", but I ask you, "why do your children just not avoid supermarkets and restaurants with nut products instead of ruining it for everyone else because your brat has weak genetics?". Please show the same courtesy and support for my beliefs that I do yours.
Thank you for listening!
[CODE] !!!! ARE YOU A SQUIRREL??? TAKE OUR QUIZ:
!!!!!!!!!!! O_O ___ I DEFEND THE USE OF 9/11 IMAGERY
!!! !!!!!!! /@ @\ IN MY INFOMERCIALS
!!!!!! \ x /
!!!!!!/ m !m ___ I DID NOT HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS
!!!!/ __ | WITH THAT WOMAN
[Note: This message has been edited by Chris]