Birthday Cake

my son doesn't eat the cake and he knows why. He, luckly for me, knows there is a chance he will become sick and chooses not to eat the cake. After we get home he is allowed a special treat if he wants. So far he has never gotten upset about it.

There's some posting on this topic on a thread I started on Living With PeanutAllergy called "Birthday Party--dropoff or stay?".
My child brings his own egg-free, peanut-free, nut-free cupcake. He's pretty matter of fact about it--he's almost seven.

I actually do let my peanut and tree nut allergic daughter eat birthday cake, as long as it is just a plain type of cake. I do realize that we are taking a risk of cross contamination, and I am sure I would change my mind if she were ever to suffer an allergic reaction from this practice. I feel that I am very cautious in terms of reading labels and always having the epi-pen with her. But, I also think I tend to err more on the side of trying to let her eat what other kids are eating, than a lot of the parents who post here do. Believe me, I'm almost afraid to post this for fear of what others might think or say, but this is my comfort level at this time.

Heather, definitely check out the thread Joanne started re birthday parties. My son has only been invited to a couple of birthday parties and I think I've even mentioned that I think it has to do with his PA because he is a very popular child but I think the parents of afraid of dealing with PA at a party. It's hard enough to deal with that many kids at a party as it is. Anyway. I've been fortunate because the Tim Horton's I order cakes from for special occasions is "peanut free". Also, I have had a Dairy Queen cake made for a special occasion and requested that it be "peanut free" and they told me how they would ensure that by making it on a completely different surface, etc. So, when he went to one child's party last year, the mother planned to buy a Dairy Queen cake and she simply made the same request. The two parties he has attended this year were at my best friend's and she has educated herself really well re PA. She bakes her own birthday cakes and makes sure to read all the labels of everything right down to the decorations. In school this past year when there were parties, especially Valentine's Day, a few parents made cakes and since my son is in a "peanut free" classroom, we are sent reminders when we have to send something in. So, so far, he's been able to eat other people's cakes without incident. Are you able to speak with the person who is having the party and see if they're baking the cake or what bakery they're getting it from? Maybe that would put you more at ease. But I also notice that it is within a LOT of PA parents' "comfort zones" to have their child carry their own cupcake or treat with them. It's what you feel comfortable with. I know the two women really well that my son went to the parties of their kids, but I must say that I did stay regardless. I guess it depends on how well you know the parent and if you could approach them about the cake question. Then decide what YOU feel comfortable with your child doing.

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CaliforniaMOM - I agree with what you say...although my daughter is too young to be going to birthday parties. BUT, we take the same kind of attitude towards eating out, etc. I am a very cautious person, but I carry the EpiPen and we can't live our lives in a bubble. I think that when she starts going to bday parties I will check with the bakery or person making the cake and then go from there...I want to make her feel as normal as possible! Are you in So. California..by any chance??

My daughter always takes her own cupcake to parties. Even before she was diagnosed with TN/PN allergy she wasn't a huge cake fan. The bakery cakes were too sweet for her.
Kathryn and California Mom I am in Ca. also. I live in North San Diego County.

Hi Kathryn, I am glad to know that I am not alone in my feelings about this type of issue. I am in Northern California, by the way. I have been thinking more about this issue and want to add some information: My daughter was severely allergic to dairy as an infant and toddler, so I always had to provide her own cake and snacks for almost the first three years of her life. We didn't introduce peanuts or tree nuts until she was almost 3 1/2, so only found out she was allergic at that point. By then we had already made such a big deal about the fact that she could now eat birthday cake, etc. that I just didn't feel I could take it away from her due to (what seems to me to be) the very slight risk of cross contamination. So far the only severe reaction my daughter has had to pn was when she ate actual pb (which was "hidden" inside a pretzel). I may feel quite differently if she had a history of severe reactions to very minor exposure.

Cindy....you've found a peanut free Tim Hortons??? I would love to hear more about it. We live in Ottawa and to my knowledge, there is NO Tim Hortons which is peanut free in our area (I thought none of them were, anywhere). I would love to approach Tim Hortons and see if there is a possibility of opening one in the future. As it is now, Wade can only eat home made cakes and it would be great if there were a chance of getting him a "safe" store bought cake!

Thanks!

Katiee (Wade's mom)

My son is going to a sleepover birthday party tonight. I will send him with his own cake just in case. The mom is a friend of mine so I am hoping she has made a safe cake. If not, we'll be prepared. I have in the past let me son have bakery cakes where I can read the ingredients but have stopped doing this since we did have a reaction to a contaminated bakery cookie.

I let my daughter eat birthday cake at partis. The Moms are usually nice enough to keep the boxes so I can check the ingredients myself. Never had a problem yet, and my daughter has been to lots of parties involving cake.....and she's only 2.9yrs! California Mom, never be afraid of saying how you feel, some Moms may do things differently, but we still are all in the same boat. I enjoy hearing different sides to things....it allows me to create my own opinions. One things for sure....we all love our kids and want to do right by them or we wouldn't be here!

I guess it all comes down to "comfort zones" I just got back from an adult birthday party which the whole family was invited to and they served a bakery birthday cake. I had come prepared with some chocolate cupcakes covered with chocolate icing and smarties (thinking that would be enough to distract Wade...boy was I wrong) and you guessed it, Wade wanted the cake everyone else was eating! I know it will get easier as time goes on but at 2 Wade just does not understand why he can't have the cake everyone else is eating! I felt so bad for my little guy so instead of listening to him cry we (Wade and I) left the party. Does it get easier or am I deluding myself?? I just feel so bad for him sometimes but there's no getting away from the reality of the allergy and I guess I just wish things could be different for him. I don't allow him to eat bakery cakes just the idea that it could have come into contact with peanuts or nuts is enough for me to not allow it (again comfort zones). Well I'm rambling, thank god for this board because sometimes I just want to put my head down and cry.

regards,

Katiee (Wade's mom)

Katiee-

Sometimes it can be so frustrating at parties. My daughter is 6 now and she does not have a problem at all with not eating the birthday cake at parties. She just knows that is how it is for her.We always take a special treat that she does not have to share. Nine times out of ten someone starts begging for her treat. It does get better and sometimes I just feel like crying too. It semms it is always the little things that get to me. I guess kinda like the straw that breaks the camels back!

Katiee, yes, being "Stuck in Stayner" actually has some advantages. I 1st found this out when I ordered a cake maybe last yr. for Jesse's birthday and specified that it had to be "peanut free". They said that the whole store was because of the allergy. I have also been meaning to contact Tim Horton's re this. HOWEVER, this does not mean that they are nut free. When I went to pick up one of the 2 cakes we had in June month, I saw both pecans and walnuts. But, no, no peanuts. The person at the time went so far as to tell me that they had even removed peanut butter cookies from their "menu". Now, I'm also in a "drive-through" town where people kinda stop on their way to Wasaga Beach or Collingwood so we have year round traffic. Perhaps that influenced their decision, although Ottawa would have year round POSITIVE traffic all the time. We literally have "drive through" traffic, after all, who wants to come to Stayner, who manage to litter the ground with every conceivable sort of garbage. At any rate, yes, Stayner's Tim Horton's is "peanut free" and also completely smoke free. Best wishes. I think as I close this post I'll actually e-mail Tim Horton's and see what answer I get. You know me, I'll post whatever answer I get all over the place [img]http://uumor.pair.com/nutalle2/peanutallergy/eek.gif[/img]

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Katiee, I actually read your last post & noticed that you are also concerned about cross-contamination, and, as I say, they do have nuts in the Tim Horton's here so maybe you wouldn't be comfortable with them even if
they were "peanut free". I'll still attempt to get information though. Before finding their cakes, which are absolutely fabulous, I had simply been ordering them from the local IGA and I must say, we've never had a problem with IGA or Dairy Queen as far as Jesse having a reaction.

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My son goes to parties all the time too and I have always let him eat the cake because I always mention to the parent before hand that he has the allergy. They always accomodate him by ensuring that the cake they are buying is peanut free and free from cross contamination. They also know about him from the daycare and class that he is/was in. His daycare is peanut free and his classes in school will all be peanut free as he goes from grade to grade. Unfortunately the school is not totally peanut free. There are however alot of kids with pa in his school so it seems that way. We are in Ontario.